Hearts Are Thumps

Released: April 3, 1937
Director: Gordon Douglas
Episode length: 9:49 (30/34)
Alfalfa's screen time: 5:59 (14/34) 61% (7/34)
Lines of dialogue spoken by Alfalfa: 34 (14/34)
Song: "Let Me Call You Sweetheart"
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Studio publicity still from "Hearts Are Thumps".

"Hearts Are Thumps" opens with an old-style title card, reading:

"Valentines Day at School
Throbbing hearts—
sighs—
and clean necks"

We are allowed to eavesdrop on three different couples exchanging Valentines in the school yard during lunchtime. One of these couples is Waldo and Henrietta, who seem to be a perfect match for each other. Alfalfa, Spanky, and Buckwheat are sitting on a low wall on the edge of the schoolyard (Porky is conspicuously absent from this episode until the very end when he has a brief two-shot cameo.) Spanky mutters that he's glad none of them fall for this Valentine stuff. On the spot, he creates a new club: The He-Man Woman Haters. He administers the club's oath to its two charter members, Alfalfa and Buckwheat. It is a simple oath, but packs a wallop:

We, the He-Man Woman Haters Club, promise not to fall for this Valentine's business, because girls are the bunk.

Immediately following the completion of the oath, Darla saunters by, whistling sweetly and toting a lunch basket. As she passes by Alfalfa, she stops, looks over her shoulder, and gives him a wink. Spanky tells his fellow Woman-Haters they should eat lunch, but Alfalfa, left hand still on heart and right hand raised, gawks at Darla as she continues walking to a spot on the grass. She spreads a blanket and sets out two plates. As Alfalfa looks down to see his heart literally throbbing, Darla wags her finger to Alfalfa to come over and join her. Alfalfa points to himself as if to ask "Me?" Darla nods affirmatively.

Alfalfa joins Darla. They exchange Valentines. Darla tells Alfalfa that she has made lunch for him because he has "personality". Spanky walks over to confront Alfalfa, who says he can't help it if Darla falls for him. Alfalfa then rejects the He-Man Woman Haters, saying he has to live his own life. Darla then asks Alfalfa to swing her on the swings, and they walk off together.

Spanky looks down to see the sandwich and cream puff that Darla has left unattended, and gets an idea...

Next scene, Janitor's Supply Room. Spanky pulls down a bar of soap, then a bottle of liquid soap, telling Buckwheat that they're going to fix "that personality Valentine".



They sneak back out to where the sandwich and cream puff are laying. Spanky removes the Swiss cheese from the sandwich and replaces it with a slice of bar soap he has carved off. He then scoops out the cream from the cream puff and replaces it with the liquid soap. He gives Buckwheat the Swiss cheese and cream from the cream puff. Then they leave the scene of the crime and sit back up on the wall next to the schoolroom.

Darla and Alfalfa return from the swings and start to eat lunch. As Spanky and Buckwheat look on from a distance with gleeful expectation, Alfalfa bites into the sandwich and immediately his smile disappears and he begins looking just like someone who—well, someone who just ate a bar of soap. He puts his hand to his throat and grimaces. He asks Darla if it's limburger cheese. Darla answers, "No, it's Swiss cheese, don't you like it?" Alfalfa answers diplomatically that it's a little bit strong ("a little bit strong"?! He's eating soap !!)

Insulted, Darla threatens to find another boy who wouldn't complain about the sandwich. Alfalfa relents, promising to eat every bite. Alfalfa continues bravely stuffing the sandwich down, Spanky and Buckwheat still looking on with broad, satisfied grins. Alfalfa finally manages to swallow the last bit of the soap sandwich and says to Darla weakly, "What a sandwich.."

Alfalfa then takes a bite of the cream puff with the same results as the sandwich. He crosses his eyes and grimaces severely. The bell rings. Darla gathers up her lunch paraphernalia and walks back to class, Alfalfa trailing behind unsteadily. Once all the students are back in the classroom, their teacher Miss Lawrence suggests that, in honor of Valentine's Day, Darla should play the piano. All the students applaud in approval except Alfalfa.

Darla suggests to Miss Lawrence that she'll play alright, but only if her Valentine sings. Alfalfa at first refuses, saying he's "not in the mood", but spurred on by Spanky's teasing, accepts the challenge.

Alfalfa has a glass of water before singing "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" (learn more at Alfalfa's Greatest Hits, or stop by later.) Shortly after he begins, streams of soap bubbles escape from his throat and start floating throughout the classroom. Spanky, Buckwheat, and Porky happily let the bubbles bounce off their palms as they float by. After finishing his song, Alfalfa takes a long drink from the water pitcher on the teacher's desk and, after emitting one final soap bubble, runs out into the school yard. Spanky grabs the Valentine from Alfalfa's desk, and, smiling at Buckwheat, victoriously tears it in half as the episode fades to black (but we have not heard the last of the He-Man Woman Haters Club...)

Commentary
"Hearts Are Thumps" is the Little Rascals episode that spawned a veritable cottage industry, that of the He-Man Woman Haters Club. The very name of this spontaneously-created society is almost enough to make one laugh out loud; to our knowledge, there has never been any indication of exactly who on the Hal Roach creative team thought it up. Whoever it was, adolescent boys everywhere, spanning generations, would no doubt liked to have shaken his hand.

In this episode, Alfalfa continues his maturation as a talented young comedic actor virtually right before our eyes. "Hearts Are Thumps" is the first Little Rascals appearance (or second, depending on your point of view; see below) that gives voice to an Alfalfa that will be seen more and more frequently during the impending final third of his career in the Hal Roach episodes—that of the well-meaning but awkward geek, often the victim of his own initial haughtiness or overconfidence (some Little Rascals observers could claim, not without some legitimacy, that "Too Two Young" represented the true origins of this new Alfalfa personage.) Alfalfa's almost immediate renunciation of his He-Man vows upon one glimpse of a flirtatious Darla might actually be an apt representation of the fickleness of the adolescent mind when it comes to matters of the heart, were it not for the fact that at ages 10 (Alfalfa) and 7 (Darla), our young couple may be pushing the limits of believability with respect to their romantic entanglement.

In this episode, too, we get our first look at Darla as fickle and even manipulative. This is a characterization which would, like Alfalfa's "geek chic", grow in subsequent episodes, reaching a peak in "Three Men In a Tub", an outing in which Darla's fickleness officially becomes overbearing. In "Hearts Are Thumps", Darla seems to relish the knowledge that she, in effect, has Alfalfa wrapped around her finger. When she notes Alfalfa's understandable reaction to his soap-contaminated lunch, she threatens to find another boy who would be a better companion, unless "the personality Valentine" (as he is dubbed sarcastically by Spanky) promises to eat every bit of the remaining soap sandwich and, then, creampuff.

This sequence, incidentally, is one of Alfalfa's finest moments. Obviously unaware that Spanky has spiked the contents of his lunchtime repast, Alfalfa eagerly bites into his sandwich and, at first, seems to be thoroughly enjoying it until the realization sets in that something is very wrong. The camera lingers on Alfalfa's face in close-up throughout this shot, and his gradually-souring reaction is an absolutely masterful performance, enhanced by the perfectly-matched insertion of the LeRoy Shield background music "It Is Too Laugh". Following Alfalfa's gasping declaration "What a sandwich!", a similarly hilarious reaction shot takes place when he goes on to the creampuff, this time punctuated by a vintage Alfalfa eye-crossing. Absolutely classic stuff.


Our Personality Valentine, ca. "Hearts Are Thumps"

The fact is that Alfalfa's victimization actually winds up rendering him as the most sympathetic character among himself, Darla, Spanky, and Buckwheat (Porky does not appear in the action until the classroom-based finale.) Although his lightning-fast rejection of the He-Man Woman Haters Club and its mission statement is a little off-putting, once he surrenders to Darla's charms, all he really wants to do is to spend some quality time with her and be nice to her. Throughout the scene, Alfalfa is a perfect gentleman, showing no inclination to manipulate or mislead. For his efforts, he has to endure continuing humiliation when, back in class after the break is over, he has to sing "Let Me Call You Sweetheart", accompanied by Darla on piano as well as by a series of soap bubbles which float out of his mouth and around the room among Alfalfa's classmates and teacher. As Maltin and Bann observe in "Life and Times", these special-effect bubbles were added in after the actual photography of the scene, and these young actors had to pull off convincing reaction shots as each "bubble" drifts by them (The Little Rascals: The Life and Times of Our Gang, Three Rivers Press, page 179.)

One final note deserving mention is the opening montage of young romance in the schoolyard. We see three couples exchanging Valentines: one couple includes Sid Kibrick, fresh off his inaugural "Woim" appearance; a second is comprised of an Asian girl and boy who we see briefly conversing in Chinese while exchanging Valentines; and a third couple, Waldo and Henrietta. Waldo's pedantic, detached Valentine offering, and Henrietta's swooning, Olive Oyl-like acceptance, are both very amusing.

"Hearts Are Thumps" is a masterful, watershed episode which showcases the remarkable talents of its young actors like few other Little Rascals films.

4alfalfa.com awards it

5 cowlicks (out of a possible 5)

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